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Relationship Tips is sent only to those who have requested it. I value your privacy and never share my mailing list with anyone. To subscribe, please visit my website at: http://www.marksaindon.com and use the form near the top of the page. To Cancel or Change your subscription, use the links at the bottom.

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1. Welcome Notes

Hi, and welcome.

During the busy-ness at this time of year, I hope that you have a chance to connect with the people in your life, past and present, who bring love and joy to your life. I wish you a very happy holiday season and a wonderful new year!

The intention of this newsletter is to provide you with practical insights and inspiration about creating successful relationships in your life. My hope is that you will be able to find at least one thought or idea from what you read here, that is of value to you, and take it into your life in a very useful way.

Also, I am interested in hearing back from you. Your feedback, questions, and comments will be helpful to me in creating future newsletters that provide real value. I look forward to hearing from you!

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2. Always

Recently I watched a favorite movie of mine, released in 1989 and directed by Steven Spielberg, called 'Always'. Athough it's a bit dated now, the message that it delivers about love, commitment and dealing with the loss of a loved one is still very relevant.

The main character Pete, is a hotshot pilot who flies water-bomber planes to put out forest fires, and is madly in love with his feisty girl, Dorinda. When he dies in a fireball, his spirit is sent back to Earth to inspire another pilot, but also to let go of the love he could never truly express.

Watching the movie again recently, I was struck with the love and devotion shared between the two main characters. It's a love story that transcends death and exposes some of the real joys and pain that people experience in a love relationship.

Throughout the first part of the movie Dorinda expresses her love for Pete by letting him know how much she loves him. And, for whatever reason, Pete is not able to reciprocate with an "I love you". And, only when it is too late, does he realize that he missed the opportunity to have her hear him say those words to her.

Although it is clear that Pete loves his girl completely, it also becomes evident that something is missing between them. Because he seems unable to express his devotion and adoration for her in a way that is meaningful to Dorinda, she seems to be left wanting.

How many times do we pass up the chance to express our love and appreciation to our partner because it's uncomfortable, or we assume that they know we love them? And, how often do we take for granted that we will have another opportunity in the future to let that special person know how much we love them?

Pete treated his relationship with Dorinda like he lived his life, in a somewhat careless way – careless of the impact his behavior had on the people who loved him most.

Unfortunatey, for Pete, it took a tragic event, and being apart from his friend and lover to really understand what it means to truly love someone else in a mature and unselfish way.

Sadly, many couples wait until some kind of tragic event occurs in their relationship before getting the help that they need to get things back on track with their partner.

If their are issues in your relationship with which you could use some professional and objective help, consider couples counseling, either as a tune-up or to strengthen the health of your relationship. You could even make it a gift to you and your partner for the new year.

During this holiday season, I invite you to express your love to your partner, or other special people in your life, in a way that is meaningful and relevant, so as to honor and celebrate your relationship and the love that you share.

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3. Quotes to Ponder

“Him that I love, I wish to be free -- even from me.”
- Margaret Anderson

"In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love you want the other person. "
- Jeff Daly

"Love is more than just a feeling: it's a process requiring continual attention. Loving well takes laughter, loyalty, and wanting more to be able to say, "I understand" than to hear, "You're right.""
- Molleen Matsumura

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4. Humor for the soul

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.

"He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

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© Copyright 2007. Mark Saindon, MA, LMFT